About this quiz
If you're asking whether the relationship is toxic, you're usually not looking for a definition. You're looking at a Tuesday. The joke that wasn't a joke. The night you cancelled on friends because it was easier. The way you rehearse a text before you send it. This quiz doesn't label anyone. It walks through twenty common red-flag patterns and asks how often they show up in yours. At the end you get a score for how much of this is present, plus your answers laid out in plain language. Not a diagnosis. Something to sit with. And if part of what you're noticing is secrecy, a private way to check if they're cheating.
Why “is my relationship toxic?” is a different question than “am I toxic?”
A lot of people land here after searching the wrong way around. “Am I toxic” is a self-check. This page is about the pattern you're living in — control, contempt, isolation, the cycle of blow-up and makeup. Those can exist next to love. That's why they're hard to name. One sharp comment doesn't make a relationship toxic. A stack of these, often, is the thing people describe when they say they don't feel like themselves anymore. Naming the pattern is the first step to deciding whether you need a boundary, a conversation, outside help, or an answer about what else might be going on.
What to do with a high score
A score is only useful if it goes somewhere. Start with the items you marked often or very often. Those are worth raising specifically. If you feel unsafe, skip the confrontation and contact local support. Red-flag patterns and secrecy often travel together. If part of what you're carrying is “are they also seeing someone else,” you don't have to accuse anyone to get clarity. You can check if they're cheating with a private search of public dating profiles. It shows you whether someone has an active profile, or quietly rules it out.
Frequently asked questions
- Does this quiz diagnose a toxic person?
- No. It scores how often common red-flag patterns show up, based on your answers. It does not diagnose anyone, and it doesn't mean you are “the toxic one” either.
- What if I feel unsafe?
- This quiz is not a crisis tool. If you feel unsafe, or if answers pointed to threats, isolation, or control you can't step out of, contact local support services. You don't have to wait for a higher score.
- Does a high score mean they're cheating?
- No. Red flags and cheating can overlap, and they can exist separately. If secrecy is part of what you're seeing, you can check if they're cheating from the button on your result screen. Signs are not proof.
- Is the quiz private?
- Yes. No sign-up, no email gate. Your score shows up on the page, and your answers stay in your browser.